


Explosions On The Day You Wake Up Needing Somebody

by favefangirl



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: F/M, John's POV, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, Metaphors, Mycroft is a good brother, drabble-ish, its a bit strange, john is a bad person, or so he thinks, sort of, unrequited john/sherlock (sort of)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 18:32:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7449730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/favefangirl/pseuds/favefangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John hates the power Sherlock has over him, but he won't let Sherlock go - not now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Explosions On The Day You Wake Up Needing Somebody

Sherlock is a ticking time bomb, and one day he's going to explode...

I was always warned about him. Donovan called him freak, Anderson called him a psycopath. But all I ever saw was a genius, a God-like brain in a man's body. With kind eyes. Such kind eyes...

Mycroft told me to watch out for him, look after him, keep him safe. But Sherlock, _my_ Sherlock didn't need saving. He didn't need a babysitter. He needed to be left alone to his mind palace so he could solve the latest crime.

I didn't realise until it was too late, until the countdown had already reached the minutes mark.

He solved murders as an alternative to getting high, and yet I let him into my life. Yet, I let him into my heart. He was always the brains, and I was always the brawn, and together we could make magic happen.

Magic isn't real. It's all trickery, slight of hand. You see one thing, but behind the charade something else is happening. That's what it was with him, with my perfectly imperfect Sherlock. I saw the light but never the dark.

All the while, the clock was ticking on and on.

Moriarty finally tipped him over the edge. He became obsessed, it was his new addiction. Moriarty and Irene Adler came together like alcohol and pills - a deadly concotion. Sherlock just couldn't help himself.

And that damn roof...

I got the call, I saw him, I _heard_ him. But I wasn't fast enough. I wasn't enough. Not to make him stay. Me begging him to stay with me just wasn't what it took to get him to stay for me, _with_ me.

BOOM.

I thought that was it, Sherlock had exploded and all that there was left to do was pick up the pieces and move on. Why dwell on someone who didn't even care enough about me to stay alive? Why spend time on that.

After my goodbye, after I begged _again_ for him to come home to me, I gave up. I moved on as best as I could. It took everything I had to walk past crime scenes. At first I'd light cigerettes, just to smell the smoke. But soon the smell became sickening.

Everything - remembering him - became sickening. There was a Sherlock shaped hole in my heart and no one could fill it. Mary was the only person who ever came close, who ever made me smile again.

And then my prayers were answered...

But then it was too late...

I had tried to move on, and he was back and wouldn't let me, and all those feelings came crashing back. I had been so alone and so afraid, and he had shown me so many wonders in the world, and then he had left me alone again.

I built up so many walls after he came back, I wouldn't let him draw me back into his world. I had other things to worry about. Other people. Mary - the wedding - the baby - the rest of my life. He didn't fit in it...

And Magnussen...

And every hellish second I spent moving back and forth between Mary and Sherlock, trying to balance out all the conflicting forces in my life. It drained me so much, trying to keep afloat while Sherlock was dragging me back down into the dangerous ocean that is his life...

But the very second I was faced with losing him, losing everything we had together, for real this time... Well, it crushed me. I craved the pain he caused, and everything he added to my life, the good and the bad.

So when Mycroft decided it best he should stay, I whole-heartedly agreed, and guilt rose in my throat. I was being so selfish wanting both Sherlock and Mary - those two conflicting forces which I swore to myself I loved evenly...

But Mary was just as bad for me as Sherlock. Her past was so dark, and all those horrific things she'd done, maybe it would be best for me to stay alone. Go back to how I used to be, with a gun in my bedside draw to hold when nights got rough.

And Sherlock was still the same old bomb with bad wiring, so you can't tell when he's going to explode again. His clock is ticking - tick-tock, tick-tock - and now it's so damn loud I can barely bare it.

But I promised Mycroft I'd look after Sherlock, and he does need someone who cares about him to stop him from going off the deep end. Last time he left a note, this time we might not even know until it's plastered all over the news that the psycopath is trying to fly again...

And he is mine. Whether or not I'm his or hers, he will always be mine. I can tell by the way he looks at me, by that glint of darkness in his eyes. And so he is my responsibility, I have to watch over him.

But that countdown is still going...

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock...

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on a tumblr post about John's reaction to Mycroft asking him to look after Sherlock.  
> I kind of imagine the inner-turmoil John faces when Sherlock leaves and he moves on to Mary, and then suddenly Sherlock's back and he doesn't quite know what to do.  
> I don't hate Mary, but I think she and John should be platonic. I imagine a Shadowhunters-esche story, in that Mary steps aside after she realises how deeply John and Sherlock love each other. Either that or she's really selfish and says Sherlock will never have John. IDK.  
> Please leave comments and kudos. This is the first full fic I've written in a while, so I'd really appreciate feedback on it.


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